Short Story (3000 words) "Dawn"

This is my first short story (fiction). It still needs some work, but this is the 'base' story I have. Please provide comments.

DAWN

by

MEREDITH ROWLEY

                Walking into the unfamiliar building, I wonder what I am doing here. 'I shouldn't be here,' I think to myself, but quickly, I set aside that thought. Against my gut feeling, I decided to come here. I drove an hour from home to come to this place, I wasn't turning back now.

                My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant for almost a year now, it was getting tiring. It was stressful on both of us, mainly me. I had dreamed of becoming pregnant for so long, I no longer remembered the days of not trying. I felt alone, my husband didn't seem as upset as I was, though he provided his shoulder for me to cry on every month when I saw the negative test. That was the only time I cried, and it was guaranteed to bring tears to my eyes.

                My friends weren't going through the same troubles, so I didn't feel I could talk to them. I ended up finding a support group online to help me during "the wait." I had wanted to go to a fertility clinic to see if there was anything wrong; I was only 28, it shouldn't be hard for me to conceive, but my husband told me to give it a few more months and let nature do its thing. He was worried about us having to take medication in order to create something that was supposed to be natural. I guess I agreed, to some extent.

                "Hi, you must be Sarah." he says, reaching out his hand to shake mine.

                "Yes, hi, you must be Jim." I reply with a smile. He was cute. Dark hair and eyes like me. He wore dark jeans and a suit jacket with a light blue collared polo shirt underneath. Something my husband would wear.

                "Can I get you a coffee or tea?" he asks, pointing to the counter behind him. The menu was overwhelming, I never understood the fancy coffee names and how to order it.

                "Um, sure. I'm still not quite awake, do they have just plain old coffee here?" I asked shyly. My small town girl was showing. We didn't have coffee houses back home, just the variety store on the corner that sold what they labelled to be coffee.

                "Of course. Let me order for you." he said, suppressing a laugh.

                It was a wonderful morning outside, the weather was warmer than usual for a December day, still a chill in the air, just not the minus 20°C kind of chill. There had been no snow yet this year, which was odd, but I wasn't going to complain. We sat by a window, enjoying our coffee and admiring the beautiful day. People were out walking their dogs and playing with their children in the park across the street. Children. As usual, as soon as I noticed a child I would get drawn back to my reality, the one where I don't have any. They looked so happy, swinging on the big blue swing set, sliding down the curvy slide, laughing and jumping and running. Children are so care free. I would love to be a child again, just for one day to escape and unwind.

                "So, what made you agree to see me?" he asked. Right to it. I guess that is why I am here, to get to it, but I was enjoying my thoughts for the moment. I had to think of my response, I wasn't sure how to put it.

                "Well," I started, "I guess I just want a child so bad. It is my dream to be a mother, and I am heartbroken every day when I wake up and realize my dream is not yet a reality. I cry every day. I have a deep longing inside me, which cannot be simply explained. You can only understand it if you have been in my situation." I answered. His eyes looked thoughtful, like he was truly feeling what I was feeling. "Why did you ask me here?" I asked quietly, suddenly aware we were in a busy coffee house.

                "I watched my wife die inside for 16 months while we tried and tried, only to be let down each month. I was not the one who was going to carry the child, but I wanted our child just as badly. I may be a man, but I do understand to some degree what you are feeling. I guess that is why I am here. I want to help. We went through the fertility treatments and eventually were successful, as you know, but that didn't make it any less stressful. It was more stress dealing with the doctors." He looked at me for a reaction, but I wasn't quite sure how to react or what to say next. I knew why he was here. We had talked about it for the last month. This meeting had been booked for over a week.

                "What did you want to tell me?"

                "Your husband can't have children, Sarah." he said, regret in his eyes. Pain even.

                "What? How could you possibly know that? I don't even know that." I answered. That was not at all what I was expecting today. I thought we were meeting to talk about the process of everything. How Jim and his wife went from Point A to Point B. How I could have a baby, just like they did.

                "I didn't know at first if who I was talking online with was you are not through the group, so I sent you private messages to try and figure it out. I had heard your story before and you mentioned you were in a small town. I knew there was a good possibility I was talking to who I thought, so I had to find out. When I saw you walk in today I recognized you."

                "How do you know me, and my husband?" I asked, still confused.

                "I am on Alex's hockey team. He talks about everything in the locker room." he answered, matter-of-factly while sipping his overpriced, fancy named coffee. Alex did play hockey here in town. We didn't have a hockey league for him to be a part of in our town, so he drove an hour just to play hockey once a week. I went sometimes, but found it boring to watch. I wasn't a sports fan. This Jim guy must have seen me in the stands or walking with Alex at the arena. I didn't recognize him, but all of the guys I saw at Alex's hockey practice had helmets on.

                "So you are here to tell me that my husband, who talks about me in a locker room told you he can't have kids?" I asked, not really sure if I could believe everything he was telling me.

                "Yes." He answered simply. I was curious. Why would he tell me this, what does it matter to him? I took a sip of the coffee he had ordered me. Not too bad, maybe a little strong for my taste.

                "So, go on. You could have easily told me that online, or in a phone call." I said, with a little too much attitude while I continued to drink my overpriced 'plain old' coffee.

                "I am very sorry. I didn't mean to make you angry." he said, holding up his arms, as if to say 'I'm not going to hurt you.' "I just want to tell you everything. My wife and I are both part of the online group to support people who have, or are going through, similar problems to our own. We have been there, we understand. However, I hated seeing you on there when I know for a fact you should not be a part of that group."

                "What? You don't think I should get support for what I am going through?" I almost yelled.

                "Calm down. For one, we are in a coffee house, keep it down. Second, no, that isn't what I said. Listen to me before you get mad, please." He looked at me and waited until he knew I had calmed down a bit. "What I meant was, I know why you aren't getting pregnant, and it isn't infertility. It is just plain stupid. I don't think you should be part of that group because I think you would be able to get pregnant easily if it wasn't for your husband."

                "Go on." I said. I wasn't sure what I was feeling right now. Confusion, anger, sadness, everything at once? I felt him staring at me, looking for my emotions, but I didn't want to show them, not yet.

                "He had a vasectomy two years ago, Sarah." He couldn't look me in the eye when he told me. He lowered his head, as if ashamed. I was stunned. Shocked. I didn't even know the word for what I was feeling. I didn't believe it. But, it would make sense. We weren't getting pregnant, and he refused to go to a fertility specialist. Could it be true? Do I confront him? Ask him for the truth? Act like a don't know? What now?

                Echoing my thoughts, I whispered "What now?"

                "That is for you to decide, but I would like to offer you some options, from my point of view." he said.

                "I have no idea what to think. I don't even know that that is true right now. How could I possibly decide on what to think or what to do right now?" I asked.

                "You don't have to decide today. You don't have to decide tomorrow. I presented you with the facts that I know, and you need to let it sink in before you make a decision." he replied, business-like.

               

                People in the coffee house were laughing, chatting, visiting with old friends, and here I was with a deep gash in my heart. I felt like I was drowning while everyone around me was completely oblivious to what was going on. I heard the clanking of plates and coffee mugs, smelled the fresh baked muffins, saw dozens of people in the same room as I was, yet I didn't pay attention. I wanted to ignore the world around me and just escape. It all seemed to be slipping away. I wanted to be that carefree child, swinging on the blue swing set, worried about scraping me knee, not whether or not my husband is telling a life-altering lie to me.

                "I need to get out of here." I said as I stood up.

                "Okay, do you want to go somewhere more quiet, or are you going home?" he asked, looking at me like I might fall over any minute, or that I may shatter into a million pieces right there in front of everyone.

                "No, I... I don't know. Maybe I will go sit in the park for a bit. Let things sort out in my head before I drive."

                "Sounds like a plan. Let's go." he said, grabbing our coats and helping me into mine. I looked outside, it was starting to cloud over. It may snow tonight, I thought to myself. I had worn my warm winter coat, for which now I was grateful. It was the first coat I saw, and although I thought I wouldn't need it, now as I walked outside, I was happy to have something warm to comfort me.

               

                We sat at the park on a bench overlooking the playground in silence. Just listening to wind in the bare trees near us. I didn't offer small talk, I couldn't right now. I was processing, asking questions in my mind, making up the answers as I went along. Finally I said, "Do you know why?"

                He looked at me, thinking for a moment. "No. He didn't say exactly why he went to such as extreme. He told a couple of us guys after most had gone home. He knew Rachel and I had recently had our daughter and he mentioned you really wanted children. As guys we joked around asking him if he was really ready for that and he replied 'I don't have to worry, I got snipped, so it won't happen. But I can have fun trying.'" Jim stopped there, I knew he was pausing so I could take that in before he went on. "We asked if you knew he was snipped and he said no." he looked up at me, looking for the tears before they started. I couldn't help it. I was hurt. How could the man I was married to do this? Why would he do something so permanent without talking with me? Two years ago? We met around two years ago.

                "You said he got it done two years ago?" I asked through my tears.

                "Yeah, he said it was about a year ago when he told us, so now it would be close to two years." he replied.

                "So, he told you guys this last year?" I shouldn't be shocked by this, but I was. How much more of this could I handle? The tears told me not much more.

                "It was right when you started asking to try to have a baby that he told us this, it was right after you guys got married. I pushed it aside and didn't bring up the conversation again. Every once and a while one of the other guys would ask if you figured it out yet, but he would just joke about it and say you had no idea. When I saw you online, or at least who I thought was you online, talking about your troubles and your husband who wouldn't go to the fertility clinic, I couldn't stop thinking about it." he explained.

                "So, why not talk to him about it?" I asked

                "I tried, but he blew it off. I told him he needed to talk to you because you were being lead to believe that a baby was a possibility when it wasn't, but he told me to mind my business. He didn't put it so politely though."

                I had had enough for one day. I couldn't handle any more information. I was crying in public, which was not like me at all. I don't like to cry, I don't like for others to see my emotions, especially not strangers walking their dog in a park. "I have to go." I said. "I need time to just think and not hear any more for right now."

                "Okay. I just want to say one more thing though." he said.

                "What's that?" I looked at him, exasperated. I couldn't take any more of the truth, I had told him that. What else was he going to throw at me?

                "I am willing to give you what he isn't. I am willing to give you a baby on one condition."

                I started walking away. What was this crazy guy saying? Was he going to give me his baby? Kidnap one? What was going on? I needed out of here. Away from this guy that I didn't even know, who seemed to know a lot about me.

                "Listen for one minute." he pleaded.

                I looked at my watch. "One minute" I replied.

                He walked closer, so none of the people walking past us could overhear. "I will give you a baby. The conventional way. On one condition: you don't tell anyone. Not your sister, if you have one, not your best friend, not your dog, no one. Especially not Alex." he was staring into my eyes, looking beneath them for any hint of emotion past the tears that had not stopped.

                "You're crazy" I answered and turned away. Just some perv trying to get laid, I thought.

                He followed me, walking a step behind me and talked low, again, so no one would hear. "You want a baby. I can give you a baby. You will act happy like all of the trying finally paid off. Your husband, not wanting to admit he tricked you will wonder how, but assume something went wrong with the vasectomy and he actually did get you pregnant. Think about it, we all of dark hair and dark eyes, it won't be noticeable." he finished. I heard his footsteps stop. I turned to see if he had anything else to say. "My minute is up. Think about it. Email me if you want to meet again." he turned and left, leaving me standing there alone. Alone. I felt so alone right now.

                As a stood there, it started to snow. Big fluffy flakes fell from the sky and stuck to the ground, my coat, even my eye lashes. I stood there and just took it in. The way the flakes fell was beautiful. They were not uniform, they did not follow a path, or a road, they simply fell wherever the light breeze carried them. I slowly walked to my car and headed for home.

               It has been three years since I met Jim in that coffee house. That day in December was the day that changed my entire life. Of course I did not take Jim up on his offer, I could not live a lie as my now ex-husband had been living. I went home and confronted Alex. He was angry that I knew, but I never told him how I found out, afraid of the repercussions Jim would endure. I simply packed my bags and moved on with my life. It was hard, I had loved Alex. I was grateful to Jim for telling me the truth and I later found out his wife was in on it as well and okay with him offering his "services." We didn't keep in touch. Three years later I am single and happy. I still long for a child, but I am fine with waiting until the right man comes along, although, being over 30, I do realize the time is ticking.

THE END